Vegas on the cheap Day 4-A Ted Williams-esque ending to my clubbing and the journey to Mt. Sinai

I woke up at an early hour with little sleep. Yes, I woke up at 9:30. I stayed in bed until twelve, when I felt it was time to grab a bite to eat at the Subway at Binion’s.

Here is my problem: this Subway has no $5 footlongs. The six-inch sandwiches are $6. Solution: suck it up and curse under my breath.

After joining the roommate for his fifth slots binge, we decided to venture to the pool in hopes of more luck than our 50 degree venture the day before. The pool was definitely more crowded and the crowd was still comprised of pre-teens and retirees who weren’t interested in random conversation. After two hours of boredom, I set out to the “adult pool”, meaning those who are 16 or older. Thank the lord there was no one under 20 present.

While trolling around trying to suppress my boredom, I met some guys from Michigan who think Matt Stafford is the second coming of Bobby Layne. (The last time the Lions won a major championship, Layne was the quarterback) Then they proceeded to bash the Cowboys. Go figure. After commenting on the relative attractiveness of our waitress, we said our goodbyes and I prepared for the night.

Before beginning our pregame, we ventured to food heaven, also known as In-N-Out burger. The food is pure goodness and the fries actually stay fresh when you eat them at 3 in the morning. If I had to put things on a scale from good to amazing, Reaganomics would be good, but In-N-Out burger would be amazing. I also should probably have my cholesterol checked now after the two Double-Doubles eaten this trip.

The Dome of the Rock, the Western Wall, the Bahai'i Center, the Vatican and JerryWorld have nothing on this house of worship

After numerous text messages and phone calls between myself, the club promoters and the U of A ladies, we decided to go to Moon. Since the club was at the Palms, and the owners of the Palms decided to place the hotel in the middle of bum fuck nowhere, and the Deuce had a line of 300 people, we cabbed it.

For a review of Moon, I quote

There’s definitely a little bit of an outer space vibe to the furniture and wall decoration, but it’s really pushed over the top with things like lasers and video screens.

The cocktail waitresses and servers even get in on the action with uniforms straight out of the mind of a 12-year-boy with simultaneous astronaut and girlfriend fantasies.

If a few items from the Sexy Jetsons living room collection don’t seal it for you, consider this – Moon has a retractable roof like you’d see on a planetarium. There aren’t many things on Earth as outer-spaced-inclined as planetariums.

Plus, in anticipation of people immediately wanting to be outside after witnessing a roof retract to reveal the spectacle of Las Vegas, Moon comes equipped with a sizable patio.”

Yep, that about sums it up. After waiting in line with some nice people from Colorado State and Nebraska, and a guy who looked like Jon Barry (if you watch the NBA, you know who he is) I entered the most over-the top club I’ve ever been to.

The cover charge was $15, not surprising. The beer was $8. Also not surprising. The drinks were $10-12. It was no wonder I spent half my paycheck there. The place was packed. The dance floor was a cluster fuck of gyrating asses complete with B.O. of well-gelled clubgoers. Then there were the boys from Minnesota wearing suits. While definitely not looking like your normal Moon clubgoer, they were definitely the most down-to earth people we met that night. Other than our Zona women.

Once the ladies joined us and we were able to stop standing in a corner by ourselves, the night turned for the better and we managed to stave boredom.

After spotting Joel Madden (singer in the band Good Charlotte, married to Nicole Richie) and seeing the women and the roommate go wild, we made our way to the Playboy Club for five minutes of touring.

The club was dead and a bust so we went home. And I announced my club retirement.

Rooftop view from the Moon.

The future of clubbing

Space, the final frontier, these are the Voyagers of the Starship Moon...

The Ted Williams reference: Teddy Ballgame played 21 years with the Boston Red Sox, is thought to be the greatest Red Sox player of all time, and was a war hero. In his last at bat as a major leaguer, Williams homered. I would’ve used the Michael Jordan game-winning shot reference from 1998, but he decided to play 2 nondescript years for the Wizards after that game-winning shot. Thanks for ruining my sports reference MJ.


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