Introducing… “The Process”


While my experiences on JDate so far have been nothing short of interesting, I take great pleasure in hearing better stories from some of my friends.

Take my friend and co-worker *Brock Landers (name redacted) for example. Brock is an Alabama boy, who bought a motorcycle during his quarter-life crisis, who, when faced with the obstacle of hooking up with a girl when a Crimson Tide game happens to be on, will DVR the girl and watch the Tide roll in real time.

Brock has also lived everywhere in the USA, which has given him perspectives on girls from all shapes and sizes (literally, all shapes and sizes).

Because of Brock’s stature as a tall, semi-tone, white Southern boy, and his care-free attitude, girls come running to him. Take *Keisha (name redacted) for example, an Italian stallion with the strong-willed and loud personality that rivals Fran Drescher, who will do anything to try and see Brock, but remind him several times over that “we are only here to hang out”.

This one particular Friday on a slow late Friday afternoon, Brock and I were kicking back recapping the week’s events, when he receives a call from the descendant of Mussolini. Why she called is anyone’s guess, but from there it was free play.

I wish every girl would have listened to this conversation. Brock put her on speakerphone, and we just had a field day. Due to the fact that certain members of my family read this and are already disgusted with what I’ve currently wrote, I’ll leave out some of the more ridiculously raunchy details. When pressed by Brock and myself through post-it notes about some of her sexual tendencies, she uttered this nugget, which will aptly end this post:

“*Brock Landers, if we are going to have sex again, I need you to not make animal noises”.

And that, readers, is the legend of Brock Landers.

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