Diaries of a New York JDater Part V: Hittin the Right Direction with a Lyrical Connection

I’m a sucker for women with creative screen names.

I’m also a sucker for women with creative “About Me’s”

I’m also a sucker for a woman who can effectively compose a solid limerick.

With that, I bring you Hillarious in Hoboken:

Her Profile- “describe a history of your life” section:

The details of my life are quite inconsequential… very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum… it’s breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it….

My question to her:

Did your father also claim to invent the rhetorical question?

Her Response:

I like your profile and what you have to say,
Original and thoughtful in every way,
And while freestyle rap may not be your calling,
I’d have to agree that neither is balling.
I liked Starks while you liked Mike,
So back in the day I would’ve said “take a hike”
But your email was funny and so was your about me,
So I thought I’d write back to you because you’re also pretty.


Bonus points for the John Starks reference.



5 responses to “Diaries of a New York JDater Part V: Hittin the Right Direction with a Lyrical Connection

  1. It has become clear to me that you don’t know what a limerick is.

  2. I found your blog through BBB. Very funny! Thanks for the laughs. However, I found it funny that this girl from Hoboken on Jdate has the same profile as a guy from DC on OkCupid: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/drtobiasfunkemd

  3. dude…. its from austin powers….. Seriously?

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